Dear (insert preferred choice of word: numnuts, narcissist, c*nt…)
Once upon a time a beautifully vibrant country girl with a heart full of hopes and dreams caught your gaze, she moved her world for you, away from family, her well paid job and the wide open spaces some only dream of, to a world close to you.
She was rewarded with the surprise of your other girlfriend! And her own pregnancy with your first son. Torn by the requests of her family to come home and be truly loved, she chose to keep her world close to you. She felt and thought that you really loved her, and that you had the right to know your child.
Alone, with a small close group of friends for support, she struggled and won you back, but not until many battles with her family and friends about how she deserved to be treated much better by you. She really did deserve much better. Lucky for you, she chose to give what she believed was true love, another chance.
There were many tumultuous times of disagreement, but within that much friendship and love, and we did grow to a point where this girl truly began to believe she was going to get her ‘forever after’ with you.
Then came the silence, the criticism, the comparisons to the ex-wife, the ex-girlfriend, the expected slender image media beckons us to achieve, the days where she wished you would hit her so she could have a valid reason to leave. The silence was suffocating. All her vibrancy gone beneath the unrealistic expectation you held of the girl to meet your unstated plan. Snuffed out by the four horseman of the apocalypse.
She came to realise that you were incapable of truly sharing your time and being in a family. Watching her son bang on a door to join in story time with you and his older sister broke her heart. He was only one year old then.
The country girl had put love on a pedestal with you and then she and her son were cold and thrown to the ground. You didn’t plan on her being brave. They left you.
You chased us, wore us down and made us believe you loved us again. We were blessed with a little girl, and this country girl believed it was going to be a solid family unit, the ‘forever after’ was back up for grasping!
When the time came to discuss the home and ‘happily ever after’ together, you said no! Game over, and you went back to interacting with your phone.
You brought the rage out. What did you expect for shutting down a dream?
The rage came with a vengeance. Don’t call me whenever you like, or drop in to see the children, I have plans. I gave you time to spend with them but on my terms now. You didn’t expect me to actually be smart and advocate for the situation that would and does provide the best for the children. And oh and boo fuckin’ hoo! It’s not ‘equal’ time with you!
In your world. you have a tiny violin orchestra that plays for your delusions and the web of stories you have woven about me.
I soon worked out you now expected me to stay in your world at your beck and call to deliver the children to you whenever you wanted without any structure, routine or financial responsibility. I’m sorry, but a part-time job and welfare support were not my idea of a great chance at life for the children. I know I can and do provide better. Oh, and that you have married a new woman and claim you earn less than minimum wage but can afford to buy a house just doesn’t add up!
Remember the day you asked if you were one of those ‘dead shit dads’? Well now it’s true, you are! The sad part is you are too busy with your tiny violin orchestra to make use of that small display of insight and change your behaviour and attitudes. Too busy being self-absorbed and playing the victim to realize your children love you anyway and that you are denying yourself and them.
You can’t and don’t hurt me.
I apologise for accessing the laws that were written predominately by men for men that you chose not to obtain advice for; I got my advice and put a plan into action for the best interests of the children and their future. It’s not my problem that you chose not to fight for them. The plan still included you and does include you; it’s not my problem you chose not to participate in it.
That you choose not to actively participate now.
I have the grace to be friends with your family members who live in the same town I moved back to, your parents see the children whenever they choose to visit this way; and I advocated cleverly, locking in regular holiday time for the children to see you, too.
It’s a shame you didn’t want to see them on your birthday, or on Father’s Day or at Christmas time, but I pushed for regular time as the children don’t deserve to only see you a couple of times a year on a weekend whenever you wanted.
They deserve more than that.
And the children love travelling with their passports that you were refusing to consent to until the court forced the issue. They have interested and interesting clever minds, they are perceptive and loving and kind. The world will be their oyster filled with opportunities because I have made it so, to the best of my ability.
I’ve formed friendship with your ex-wife so we can arrange time the children to see their older sister more, but you seem to have poisoned her mind to be afraid of saying yes. The children miss their sister. They love their little brother too, but still they don’t know when his birthday is to send him a present.
I answer the phone on the rare occasion you ring to speak to them, and I always return a missed call from you, because the children love you anyway and want to talk to you. Do you think you could tell them about your world, what you do, how their sister and brother are doing, how their Grandma with cancer is doing?
The last holiday time they spent with you, they came back stating how much you don’t like me. This was a moment of grace; I said that it doesn’t matter what you think of me, because you love them. I hope for fucks sake that you do treat them with love. Respect for your children would be nice, too. They want you to demonstrate some respect for me as well, because they are clever and kind and loving.
I know I am raising them right because the children do not know my opinion of you or details of our relationships demise. They know that I love them and that you love them always. Even one of your relatives has praised me for how well I am raising the children on my own.
I still have moments of rage, but the rage only occurs when you break a promise to the children. I hope for your sake I never come across you in dark alley, for I would dearly love to punch you in the face/balls/c*nt for every promise you break to them, every time you hurt them.
The rage makes me wish that you will be in a tragic accident and die, for then you will never be able to hurt the children again. They would mourn you and remember you fondly. I could grow wings never having to worry about you hurting them ever again.
My heart is free and filling with hope, I will find someone who appreciates my clever mind, loving heart and warm kind soul. You assumed kindness for weakness, you assumed country for stupid and your assumptions took you down.
I did once love you, for a time, I am grateful for my children who I am raising to be wonderful world citizens, who are part of you, too.
One day when you finish frolicking with your tiny violin orchestra and unwrap from the deluded web you have woven, you may notice a vibrant phoenix rising from the ashes of the past to watch karma kick you in the c*nt.
Maybe you’ll realise what a fabulous chance of an amazing life you could have had with the country girl, or at the very least recognise her brilliance, in the brilliance of your children. Then maybe you can demonstrate genuine love, respect and kindness on your own before your time on this earth ends.